Friday, March 23, 2007


I like to think of myself as a submissive wife, and I think my husband would agree that I least most of the time. However, it's not something that has always come natural to me. Early in our marriage I would 'stand my ground' (aka - pitch a fit if I didn't get my way) and I have to say, it was not pretty! Well, my man must have really loved me from the beginning, because he put up with me and loved me in spite of it. He would not fight back with me (which at the time would make my blood boil!!!) but at the same time, he didn't just 'let it go' either. He was smart. He'd wait until I cooled down, and then talk to me. He knew there was no sense in trying to talk to me or reason with me when I was in that state of mind. He was teaching me by example, how one should handle situations they aren't happy about. He was showing me unconditional love, the same love in which Christ loved the church.

Thankfully I've come a long way in our almost 15 years of marriage - thanks to God, of course, but thanks so much to my husband. Now, he's not perfect - but he's perfect for me, and God knew when he put us together that we were a perfect fit. He loves me more than I love myself (though I'm working on that - another topic altogether!) He loves me unconditionally. This is why now I can be submissive to him. I am not a doormat, I am his help meet.

Ephesians 5:22-24 says, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

Unfortunately, many men are guilty of stopping right there.
But verse 25 goes on to say, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."
Thankfully my husband continued reading, and he ehibits that love to me.

Also, in Colossians 3:19 it tells husbands to love their wives and, "do not be harsh with them." I guess he read that one too, because harsh is NOT a word that describes how he treats me - ever. I can't tell you how blessed and thankful I am for that. He respects and honors my opinion, and takes what I think into consideration when making decisions. That said, he is the head of our household and he does make the final decisions. There are occasions when he doesn't have a strong opinion either way about something, and he will let me make my own decisions. Sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes I learn a hard lesson. My point is, I can willingly and proudly submit to my husband, because I know I am of value to him and he's going to reciprocate with love.

Does that mean that I am always immediately on board with everything he says? I must be honest and say no - I'm not perfect either! And that non-submissive creature tries to rear her ugly head. Like I said, I've come a long way, but I still have a long way to go. I am, however, much quicker to submit now days than I once was. I have learned that 99% of the time, he is right. And I can save myself a lot of anguish and regret if I remind myself of that up front. I have found myself saying to him - something to the effect of, "I need time to process this information." Because I've learned, though once upon a time I might immediately throw my guard up and say, "What, are you nuts?" that if I just chill...and pray...that I will most likely see things his way, and possibly even have additional insight to contribute to the matter. I am learning. I may only be suppressing that ugly creature at this point, but I pray that one day soon, it will be gone forever.

I have learned how wise my husband is, and that he listens to God. And God's pretty smart too! Apparently they have this system they use in dealing with me - God will tell him something that needs to happen, but will have him wait to tell me. Then God goes to work, priming me to receive the information. When He knows I'm ready, He gives Chip the green-light to fill me in. There are many things he has said to me that if he had said even one day earlier, I would not have been ready to receive it. They are pretty smart, don't you think? (OK, so maybe that didn't really have much to do with submissiveness, but it does say more about the character of my husband and him being in-tune with God!)

I am so thankful that God was so gracious to give me an incredible husband. If it weren't for him, I'm sure I'd be a completely different person - probably one a lot of people wouldn't like. I can be very stubborn and opinionated, but he can and does gently put me in my place and helps me to see the light. I am eternally grateful for that. God is good - He knows what we need and He takes care of us. He knew the kind of husband I would need and gave me exactly that.

Wow, where did all this come from? I certainly didn't intend to sit down and write this. But I was blog-browsing and was reading Kim's blog at Life in a Shoe and she had a link to this. It is an article by Candice Cameron Bure (remember her - from Full House?) titled Submissive is NOT a Four Letter Word. It is wonderful - she is very insightful. When I read it, I just felt impressed to share my thoughts on the subject. So there you have it.

1 comment:

  1. I understand where you're coming from! I was taught to be independant and I'm kind of fiery sometimes, so picking up that submissive mantle as a wife wasn't easy for me.

    But, God is good and provided me with a husband who is not very much like me. He is gentle and patient and has definitely shown me what loving someone through their faults looks like.

    I like hearing about good Godly role models and I've always liked Candace Cameron Bure, so I'll have to check that article out.


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