Order for 2013

Aaachoo!!! Wow...there's a lot of dust on this ol' blog! Goodness...only 10 posts in 2012 and even less than that in 2011! To think I was ever actually a blogger. Sigh.

Oh well. This year probably won't be much different, but you never can tell!

I thought I'd come here and "put in writing" what my word for the year does like I usually do in January.

This year's word is...ORDER.

I seem to constantly find myself overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with what needs to be done.  Overwhelmed with stuff. Even just overwhelmed with life in general sometimes.

As I looked around recently, I felt out of control. I had stuff everywhere! And though some of it may be junk that doesn't need to be here, the rest of it is stuff I use (or want to use) but it was all swallowing my up due to lack of space and organization!

So I began to take action and have already made LOTS of changes. I won't go into those details right now, because that's a whole different post, and this one is supposed to be focusing on my word! But MAYBE that will be my next post?!

Anyway, I finally began feeling a little bit of a sense of order. And it felt SO good. I knew that I wanted to keep going in that direction.

So I've been plugging away, as time allows, to get EVERYTHING in my house in order! I have to do it a little at a time, because even in getting things in order, I get overwhelmed! I try not to think about what still needs to be done, but my mind just spins and spins and I have a dozen or more projects in my head all at once!

But I'll get there.

My prayer is that once everything is in order,  I can be much more productive, less overwhelmed, and over all happier!

So...here's to ORDER in 2013!

STRIVE

Look at that....just over 5 months since I posted last. Better than the entire year I went without posting right before that, but still...TOO long. I don't even consider myself a blogger anymore. That's ok though. It's here when I do "feel the urge" to share something, waiting patiently on me.

It's a new year...I can hardly believe it. Where did 2011 go? But that seems to be the question EVERY year. In some of the years past, I've done what many others do and chose a word to focus on for the year. I decided to do that again this year. I thought long and hard about my word, which is why we are almost a full week into the year before I've made a decision. This year's word is STRIVE.

Most of the time, I feel like I'm am on a giant roller coaster with huge hills and valleys. Some days I'm trucking up to the top of that hill and even make it to the top. Everything is great and I feel like I'm on top of the world. But just as quickly, I go careening down that hill into the valley, and I tend to get stuck there for a while.

During that time, I'm very hard on myself, often having my own little pity party. It's not a fun place to be, but when I get there, as much as I want to start the ascent back up that hill, I have a very difficult time getting my engine started again. Then that climb back to the top appears impossible. A dark cloud seems to hang over me, and I beat myself up. I focus on ALL of my faults and decide that I can't do anything right, and since I can't, then why even try? Then the sun comes back out, and that impossible climb becomes attainable again. It's a crazy cycle. One I'd really like to break.

I know that I am NOT perfect, and I never will be. And I don't believe God expects me to be. However, what I've come to realize is that even though I can't reach perfection, I can try harder to be a better me - the best me I can be...and I know I haven't been doing that!

So, I am going to STRIVE to be the best I can be, at everything I do. I looked up the definition, and it says:

1: to devote serious effort or energy : endeavor
2: to struggle in opposition : contend

I plan to devote serious effort to become a better me. My opposition, most of the time, is me...it is me who I struggle with most!

So, I'm not making resolutions per se, but I am STRIVING for a better year...with a better me!

I will STRIVE to love myself more...this means taking care of myself. I have majorly neglected myself over the past year or two, after working so hard to take care of myself prior to that. So I'm striving to get back to taking care of me through exercise and eating better.

I will STRIVE to become a better Christian, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Friend, Teacher, Homemaker & Business "Owner" &. I have specific ideas in mind to help me be better in all these areas, but I'm not going to list those here, as it's not really a checklist. It's more of a change in the way I think and in my attitude. And that's difficult to put on a list.

So that's it...I am going to STRIVE in 2012!

And who knows, through all this, I may even become a better blogger too...but don't count on it! :-)

Memories

Ok, so I was just watching 19 Kids and Counting. The Duggar family who recently gave birth to their 19th baby, Josie. Josie was born at 25 weeks gestation. I watched through tear-filled eyes because I know EXACTLY what they are going through and how they are feeling.

Over 15 years ago, our son CJ was born at only 24 weeks gestation. I didn't have pre-eclampsia nor a c-section, but it was every bit as frightening. CJ was a little bigger than Josie - he was 2 pounds 2 ounces. He dropped to 1 pound 15 ounces before he began gaining. I remember that his thigh was as big around as my pinky. So tiny and fragile, yet so strong! (His size was a surprise even to the doctors. They told me prior to him being born that I would be "lucky if he weighed a pound." We believe if I had carried him to term he would have been a big baby. Especially since his sister was just under 10 pounds!)
We were very scared, but at the same time knew God was in total control. But it was three months of roller coaster emotions. We never knew what each day would hold.

I won't go into any more details, becaused I've already blogged his birth story. If you really want to read it (it's long!) you can find it here. And I have more pictures posted there as well. But here is one of the first pictures we took of him.

Watching the Duggar's story tonight brought a flood of emotions as I traveled back to that day for us almost 16 years ago. I never imagined that that tiny baby boy would one day be taller than me! It's amazing.

I am praying for the Duggars and for baby Josie.

Wednesday Randomness

Two posts in one week...maybe I'm making some progress!

I added my January goals in my left sidebar, and if you'll notice, I already have one goal marked off. Go me!!!!
And I added an item as well. CJ turned 15 in May. He still doesn't have his learner's permit. A big part of that is because he hasn't really been to anxious to get it. The other part is that I procrastinated getting his attendance certificate so he can get them. I had it in November, but things got really busy and we didn't get around to actually getting his permit. Problem is, it's only good for 30 days, and I have to go get a new one. So I'm planning to go get a new one next week. By then, they will have his December attendance accounted for (I just mailed it yesterday), everything will be current, and I can get a new certificate. Then we can go get his permit. Chip encouraged me to add it to my January goals so I'd be sure to get it done!

I can't believe how cold it is!!! I'm a southern girl, and I don't like to be this cold for this long. I can't seem to get warm and I don't like it! I say EVERY winter - give me a few days of cold and some SNOW, and I'm a happy girl. I only want it to snow once - I don't want to be in a place where it snows all the time. But I want it to be some GOOD snow...not piddly stuff! But honestly, I think I'm feeling the winter blues. I feel totally blah...don't want to do anything, and think I'd be totally fine with skipping the hope of snow and move right into summer right now! The sun may be shining bright, but it is stinkin' cold, and I don't like it!

And today I really don't feel like doing anything. I have a killer headache and my stomach isn't feeling too well either. So what better time to blog, right? At least I can do it sitting down while I'm not doing anything else! I really just want to hibernate. Wouldn't that be nice? But that's not happening today. Even though I don't feel great, I have to brave the elements in a bit because we have church tonight.

I'm trying to get back on my Flylady routines. I think if I can get back into some sort of routine, I'll feel better all the way around. I'll feel like I have something accomplished! We are in zone 1 this week - the dining room and front porch. I got the dining room done, for the most part (which is also my scrapbooking "room") but it's too stinking cold to do the front porch! I think it will have to wait! At least I got all the Christmas decorations off of it, but as far as really cleaning it...not happening right now! I'm thinking about adding the routine thing to my sidebar too. That accountability thing really helps! And I need all the help I can get!

I also know I would feel better if I were back to exercising regularly. I want to run, but it is just too cold to do it outside. I finally got a treadmill (a benefit of working at a Thrift Store!) but it's just not the same. I'm not loving running on it. But CJ is getting some use out of it, so that's good! Hopefully I can motivate myself to get on it some more though, until the weather warms up.

Well, I imagine that's enough randomness for today. I need to go make myself take a shower and start getting ready for church. As slow as I'm moving today, it's going to take the entire two and a half hours before I need to leave to actually get ready! Guess I should get started!

Balance

The buzz around the blogosphere right now is "One Little Word". Everyone is choosing their one word to represent them for 2009.

I believe Ali Edwards was the one who got this going in the world of scrapbookers a couple of years ago.
I've given it some thought the past couple of years, but never truly settled on a word. This year, I'm "playing along".

I actually didn't even have to put much thought into my word. It's one I really need to figure out, so it's quite important. Hopefully this year I can focus on it and learn how to...BALANCE!

I have a lot going on. Some days, if you peeked into my life, it wouldn't seem that way at all. Most likely though, those are the days I feel overwhelmed and just need to do nothing to clear my head. Or I do nothing because I don't know where to start!

Like all moms & wives, I have to wear a lot of hats. Add in homeschooling, working in children's ministry and attempting to actually be serious about running a business...there are a lot of things filling my plate! And there are certain seasons where my plate is overflowing!

I have MANY things I NEED to do! I have many MORE things I really WANT to do! And I often feel like I don't have enough time to do it all. Our pastor said this morning, "We all get 24 hours...some of us just have more to do in those 24 hours than others." And he's right. I have just as much time as the next person...that super mom that manages to do it all, and do it well!

But I often have trouble prioritizing things. And when my plate starts to tip from being so full, I truly get overwhelmed and then pretty much just spill the plate. And I'm left with a big mess.

I want to learn how to balance my plate. There may be things I need to let go. There may be some things I need to do differently. I need to get a little perspective and do some prioritizing. Those words would work for me too. But I think BALANCE is what I need to work on the most. And that's what I'm going to try to do!

I Guess I Don't Get Out Much

Sad, huh?

Not really.

You know, I really don't feel like I have the need to get out that much. I love being at home. I chose to be home with my kids and I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

I'm a pretty simple kinda girl. I don't need to go shopping very often. I mean, I go grocery shopping and all. And I enjoy a shopping trip for other things. And sure I love to go out and eat some times and go do some fun things when I can. But I don't feel like I have to do these things that often.

I suppose I really am a homebody.

I'm not exaggerating at all when I tell you that sometimes an entire week will go by and I realize I haven't left my house. And that happens more frequently than you might think!

I just like being at home.

But maybe I miss getting out and talking to adults more than even I realize!

Yesterday I had some errands to run. I ended up in Target. I ran into a friend I haven't seen in a very long time. (And her PRECIOUS baby boy!) We stood there and talked for no less than 30 minutes. And I enjoyed it.

Well, except when Ruthi was saying, "Mommy, I want out of the buggy" and "Mommy, I want to go hoooome!" I could have enjoyed it more without that kind of interruption!

But it was nice talking face-to-face to an adult other than my husband or neighbor!

Last night we had a coaches banquet. My hubby is the league director of Upward Basketball/Cheerleading at our church, so I'm sort of expected to be there with him. Not to mention I was in charge of getting the food there to feed these people! So I picked up the food and took it to the church and then got it all set up with the help of my hubby and another couple.

We ate and chatted, and had a good time. Once it was over, it was time to clean up.

I ended up getting distracted and talking to some people. And while I talked, everything was miraculously cleaned up by my hubby and some of the others.

I will admit, that at first I felt a little guilty.

Don't worry, I'm not one to hold onto guilt for very long!

My wonderful hubby came over and hugged me and said, "I'm going home...see you there." Or something like that.

And I stood there and talked.

And talked.

And talked some more.

I was really enjoying myself. And apparently they were too, because they didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave.

Then we decided to call it a night and I headed home. My phone rang before I was quite half way home. That hubby of mine was calling to say goodnight. (I don't think he truly expected that I would be home for quite some time!)

I told him, "I guess I didn't realize how much I needed some adult conversation without anyone tugging at me!" And he agreed and said, "I knew that, and that's why I didn't say anything." (or something like that)
And I told him I loved and appreciated him for that.

He is so wonderful. He cleaned up, went home, picked up the kids from the neighbors' house and got Ruthi ready for bed...without a word. Just so I could enjoy my time talking to some real-live adults!

He told me that he was going to have to kick me out of the house once a week to go talk to some adults so I wouldn't need to make up for it in one night!

Funny thing, I don't usually realize I miss it until I'm actually in the presence of others without my little side-kick!

I wouldn't trade being home with my kids for the world. But maybe I should make an "adults only" date every now and then!


My point, and what I really wanted to say is, I am so thankful for my incredible husband, who recognizes what I need, (even when I don't) and does his best to make me happy. Even if it means picking up my slack and doing what I should have been doing without batting an eye. What a sweetie. Thank you honey - I love you!!!

Good Morning!

I must be losing it. Yes - it is 6:45 AM and I am posting. How can that be?

I don't usually even see this time of day! Though I've crawled INTO bed at this time of day on more than one occasion.

I really am a night owl.

But lately I've gotten more into a routine and haven't been staying up quite as late as usual.

And I've even been getting up at a decent hour in the mornings.

If you call 8:00 decent.

Anyway, I woke up this morning at 5:30 to make sure the hubby was up for work. And for some reason, I just haven't gone back to sleep.

So I did the most logical thing I could think of - check my email and read blogs!

But I have a full day ahead, so my time here is coming to an end. In about 11 minutes.

I promised myself I would walk away from this computer at 7:00.

I need to go get myself moving. I still need to clean up the dinner dishes from last night. I know - GASP! But I had a bad tension headache last night and just didn't feel like doing it. So that's first on my list.

Then I have to make sure I have a list ready for things I need to pick up at the store. CJ has Science class today, and when I drop him off, I will make the best use of my time by doing my shopping while I'm out. I always have the intention of doing this because it makes perfect sense, but for some reason haven't actually followed through. And then I end up going back out later. Not the best use of my time...or gas!

So, I will shop and then retrieve him from his class. We will come home for lunch, and once Ruthi is down for her nap, I really have my work cut out for me.

I'm having a yard sale tomorrow. (I was supposed to put my stuff in a friend's sale in September, but I was sick.) I have done quite a bit of cleaning out and have a pretty good amount of stuff to get rid of, so hopefully it will bring in some money!

So, I need to make signs, finish pricing everything and get it all ready to put out. I'm planning to set up everything I can tonight so I don't have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn in the morning to put it out there.

I don't know if I can handle being up before the sun is two mornings in a row! Oh the horror!

On that note, I'm signing off, with 4 minutes to spare.

Of course by the time I spell check and get this posted, it will be 7:00! So I'm not going to grammar check, or check for missing or wrongly placed words. Forgive me if there are any!

Later!

My Boy

Today was a good day.

In spite of the fact that my tummy didn't want me to have a good day. Oh no. It was determined to ruin my day.

But I did the unthinkable.

I hit the bottle.

The pink bottle, that is.

You know...that bottle called Pepto Bismal.

I realize that may not be a big deal for most people. But I am not most people.

I can't STAND the stuff! AT.ALL!

And today I took a dose. That means my tummy was being very rebellious!

Guess What?

The Pepto won!!!

But that's not what's really on my mind. As the title of this post is not "My Tummy".

No, I want to talk about the day with my son today.

I have to admit something that is very difficult for me, as a mom to admit - as I'm sure it would be for any mom.

I love my son with ALL my heart. But, for the past few years, we have really butted heads...a lot. And I hate that...desperately.

It rips my heart out, actually.

I long to have a relationship with him that is happy and sweet where we always get along.

I know...I know...that is extremely rare, if it even exists. I understand that there are ups and downs in every mom/son relationship.

But I want it to be happy more of the time than not.

He's 13 - I don't have many years left to influence him. I want him to be able to look back on his teen years and smile, not be sad or angry with me over them. I don't want him to say things like, "I wish my mom had...." Or, "I wish my mom hadn't".

And again, I know...there is no way everything can be perfect. But I really want him to have many more good and happy memories than bad.

I certainly don't want the only thing he remembers about his teen years is that mom was on his case or yelling at him all the time! Even if it's not all warm fuzzies, I want there to be some!

Why do we clash? I'm not really sure. It could be that he and I are too much alike. It could be that I just don't "get" boys. Maybe I'm too controlling. Then again, maybe it's a combination of those. Or something else. I'm not totally sure.

What I am sure of, is I can't do this without God. And I'm praying God will help me get a handle on the situation and help me make the most of these years.

Thankfully, I have an INCREDIBLE husband, who helps keep me in check, so I don't totally destroy our son's life! And he does his best to help me "get" CJ. I am so thankful of God's plan to have a mom and a dad to raise children. I know sometimes circumstances get in the way of that, and single parents are left to do it. I honestly don't know how they manage though! I wouldn't have a CLUE how to raise this boy without the help and encouragement of my husband.

Anyway...about today.

In the mornings, it is always my goal to have a good day. To listen to my son, and talk to him. To be calm with him, and try to keep my emotions and feelings under control. Not to let him to get to me. To choose my battles wisely. Many days, that doesn't last past breakfast. And definitely not past lunch time.

But today was going quite well. We did make it until after lunch. Nice, kind, soft words were being spoken. It was quite pleasant.

I needed to run a couple of errands. I don't always take him with me when I need to run out for just a little while, because...well, there will be no conflict between us if he stays home. And I will be much calmer the rest of the day if he wasn't asking me for this, that and the other, and doing all the things he does to push my buttons while we are out. But today was going so well, I was more than happy that he tag along.

Now, I didn't say the day was perfect...I said it was good. When were were getting into the car, I was buckling Ruthi into her car seat, when I heard CJ say something like "oops". He had unbuckled the seat belt that holds her car seat in, and then acted as if it were an accident.

I knew better.

There was no reason for him to have even touched that - and it couldn't have been done accidentally.

Yes, I'll admit...I got upset with him, and I even raised my voice yelled at him a little.

The thing is, once that thing gets unbuckled, it is EXTREMELY difficult to her her seat tight enough again. My husband can do it, but he even has some difficulty with it. It's nearly impossible for me. And I was NOT happy with the fact that I couldn't get tight enough for my satisfaction. I realized we weren't going far, and in reality, it would be ok. If we were to be in a rollover, it may possibly not be tight enough, but in a collision, she would be fine. I explained to him the importance of the seat being tight, and how difficult it is to get it tight. And how him messing around with something like that is not alright.

I don't believe he will ever unbuckle that seat again!

Yes, I yelled. But then I got over it and let it go. I have been known to bring things back up to him later, but I'm trying not to do that. So I said my peace, and I dropped it.

And everything was good again. We had a pleasant little outing. He was very well behaved. And I enjoyed the time we spent together running errands, and enjoying frappucinos from Starbucks.

We got home and I suggested he cut the grass since it appeared we would have a dry day today, and this was a good chance to get it done before it got wet again.

He was out there with the lawnmower for a few minutes. Then he came into the house with a big attitude. I asked him what was wrong, and he says something about the lawnmower being broken. I questioned him about details, and he got a bigger attitude and said, "It's just broke!"

I remained surprisingly calm. I told him that was strike one, as he wouldn't have spoken to his father in that tone. (We have a 3-strikes you're out [in trouble with dad] rule.) I proceeded to talk calmly to him. I asked him questions like, "Will it crank?" "Will it roll?" and "Will it cut?" to which he answered yes to all. And I infered that if it could do those three things, then it couldn't really be broken.

He just had more attitude. I don't think he liked my calm, rational questions! So I asked him if he wanted to show me what he was talking about. He said yes.

But when I got up to go to the door, he looked a little surprised. Apparently he thought I was bluffing, and that I would drop the issue and go about my business. Wrong!

So we went outside, he cranked it, and I began to run it across the grass. It was working. However, the grass was clogging a bit in the thingy that it blows out of. Thingy...that's the correct term, right?

I told him that the grass right there was probably still too wet, and it would continue to clog, and he'd just have to clean it out. He then claimed, "Well, it ALWAYS does that!" To which I replied, "Then what's the problem? There's no difference."

Obviously, he wasn't really in the mood for the job. I told him to cut the grass that was in the sun, as it would be drier and probably wouldn't clog. I went back inside.

I was feeling pretty good about the way I had handled the situation - calmly and not making a big deal out of it.

Then...

The good part happened.

He came in a little while later and said to me, "Mom, I owe you an apology...I shouldn't have talked to you the way I did. I'm sorry."

Talk about warm fuzzies...I was feeling them...right after I picked my jaw up off the floor. I could hardly believe what I was hearing! Oh the joy I felt!

Hubby is at the station today. When he called to say goodnight, I recounted the situation to him. He could hardly believe it. He asked me if CJ had EVER apologized on his own, without being prodded to do so by him. And no, I don't think he ever had.

This was monumental! It got me to thinking. Maybe it was because, instead of yelling at him or blowing him off, I TALKED to him and remained CALM. I actually handled the entire situation much like Chip would have - and he even agreed. I was quite proud, not only of the way I handled myself, but of my son - what a huge thing this was!

You know, just yesterday, I was feeling quite crabby, and very much on edge. Call it PMS, that's what I'm blaming it on. And I knew I was on edge...and irritable. I had snapped at CJ for something - I don't even remember what now. But I knew I was wrong. Later, I asked hubby if it was my crabby day. (He keeps up better than I do -lol!) He asked why, and I told him what had happened, and we decided it was close enough, that this was indeed the culprit. At least I was aware, and could do something about it, and try to be less crabby the rest of the day!

When CJ came in later, I apologized to him. I told him that I was on edge, and that I was sorry that he had been on the receiving end, and that me snapping at him the way I did should not have happened.

Did I set an example yesterday, by apologizing when I knew I was wrong? Did that influence him at all with his decision to aplogize to me today? I'd like to think maybe it did.

Today wasn't perfect - but it was a VERY good day! Would it have been even better if I'd not gotten upset with him over the car seat? Sure...But I'll take more days like today.

I'm not perfect. I never will be. And when I make mistakes, I try to apologize. I find myself apologizing frequently to my son - I'm definitely not above that (though I'd like to not need to do this as often.) But I'm working to be a better mom. I want a better relationship with my son. I want him to actually want to be around me...at least sometimes!

I want more days like today. And I know they are coming!

With God's help.

And my husband's!

Not EXACTLY the way I pictured the beginning of the day!

Tomorrow is my birthday. Unfortunately, my hubby has to work.

So he decided to make my day today a little special.

He had to go into town, so he brought home my FAVORITE item from Martins - a pork tenderloin biscuit with tomato and mayonnaise. And it was SO very yummy. Especially since I haven't had one in quite some time.

He asked me last night if I was going to be busy today - I said, not really. He wants to take me shopping - YAY! I'm not even sure what we'll be shopping for, but it doesn't really matter.
And, I suspect, that he may have plans to take me out for dinner as well. I mean, if he's calling this a special day for me, he wouldn't want me to cook, right?

Well, even if I do cook, that would be fine. Guess I'll find that out later.

But - here's the little monkey wrench in our day.

First, I need to back up.

On Tuesday of this week, we went to the chiropractor and out to lunch. We came home, parked the car and went about our business.

Wednesday morning rolls around, and I need to run to the post office. The car won't start - won't even turn over. I assume the battery is dead. Chip is at work, so I go back inside and we make no ventures out. (If I'd really needed to go out, I have fantastic neighbors that would have helped, or Chip would have even come home long enough to take care of matters - but it really was no big deal.)

Yesterday he's home, and tried to start the car, to no avail, but had a busy day, so didn't really do anything about it.

Well this morning - here is the scene:



Yep, the car is dead. And it is not the battery. So into the shop it goes.
Ruthi found it quite fun to watch the tow truck pull the car up. She's been saying our car is broken. When it was in place on the truck, she excitedly announced, "It's fixed!" And I had to explain to her, no, now it needed to go to the "doctor".

Which she seemed to understand...

Until the truck began to drive off.

Oh the tears!! I couldn't believe it. She was EXTREMELY upset that our car was being taken away. Poor thing.

So, we are still going to get to go shopping, we will go in hubby's truck instead.

Ironically, on Tuesday, hubby saw a couple of the guys from our mechanic shop at the gas station (next door to the shop) and made the comment - "I'm glad you're not having to work on this thing." (He was driving the Expedition)
And that was the last time it was driven!

Coincidence or Conspiracy? Yeah, we think they did something to it.

Not really.

But it is quite ironic!


Oh, and for the record, yes I'm aware that and SUV such as mine is typically referred to as a truck, not a car. But I am a girl, and to me it is a car. Hubby drives a truck, you know, with a bed - that's a truck to me. I don't care if it is sitting on a truck chassis or whatever, it's still a car to me!

It's Time for Change.....

...I've got to rearrange!!!

Are you singing in your best squeaky Peter Brady voice now? lol.

I am ready for a blog change. I want something that's not so boring! I also want a new name. And I've picked a new name. That was actually the easy part - and it wasn't that easy!

Now I need a new look - a makeover! However, at the moment, I really don't have the extra money to shell out for someone to design it for me. Which means, I need to figure out how to do it myself. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Scary!

I've found a couple places that offer some free designs, but if you know of any, please send them my way!

This will probably take me a little bit of time, as I've never done this before. And it took me a while just to learn the ins and outs of doing this blog, and I still don't have it all figured out.

So, there may be a few changes here and there until I get it done. And I don't know how long it will take. Hopefully I won't mess things up - at least not too bad. So if you do stop by and things are a bit wonky, bear with me. I'm hoping that before long I'll have a much prettier blog!

Let the games makeover begin!!!

Where do they learn this stuff? And some reflection...

I needed to change Ruthi. Before I got to her, she ran to the couch to lay down, covered herself with a pillow and told me she was going to sleep. I told her to come here so I could change her. This 29 month old child CLOSED HER EYES and went BLEH, BLEH, BLEH (very cute, by the way) as if to DROWN ME OUT!!! I have to say it kinda cracked me up. But I held it together, gave her a teeny tap on the behind, (and I mean TEENY!) to which she responded, "Don't pank me!" (in a sweet voice) and I said, "Then obey me" to which she jumped and did what I had asked her to. It was actually quite comical, and I could have laughed it off, but I do want her obeying when she's asked to do something. But it kinda baffles me where she picked that up! Is it just instilled?

It's just so funny to me how different she is than CJ - when he was that age, he was quite obedient. He was also quiet, laid back and very easy going for the most part. She is loud, high-energy and I'm finding she can be quite defiant! She is a challenge for sure, but I'm loving every minute of it.

I often wondered why it took so long to conceive and actually be able to carry this child. I don't know if I'll ever know why I had to go through the losses, but I think I do know why God allowed there to be so many years between our children.

When CJ was born, I was much more, um, uptight...and we did everything "by the book" so to speak...strict schedules, no rocking to sleep and everything. And I'm not saying that's wrong at all, but I think I missed out on a lot of precious moments with him in fear that I would "spoil" him.

Fast forward 10.5 years and I'm a very different person than I was then. Much more laid back and not at all worrying about what everyone else thinks. We've pretty much thrown out that rule book!

What's really funny, is we thought we were such great parents with CJ - he was so well behaved, so quiet and just a great baby/toddler. We were SO SURE it was because we knew what we were doing and were just fabulous parents! We rolled our eyes when we heard a kid screaming in the store or a restaurant. We thought, those parent's don't know what they are doing! We just didn't understand why all parent's weren't like us and knew how to control their kids.

God has a great sense of humor.

And we now realize, CJ's behavior had very little to do with our parenting skills. Maybe a little, but not that much. Children are just different!

We have had a good dose of humble pie since Ruthi came along. Now, she IS a good kid, and she behaves quite well in public, most of the time! BUT, lets just say that now, when we hear those screaming kids, we are thinking, "Those poor parents - they have a screamer!" And we NEVER roll our eyes anymore! And now, when our eyes meet those of said parents, we can smile and send an understanding look.

Is this due to the fact we threw the book out and can no longer control our child because of that? I don't think so. We still teach her right from wrong and we are teaching her about obedience. And she is learning. But things are different. She is a TOTALLY different child. And we discovered that very shortly after she was born. All the same "rules" don't work for her. Of course, we still discipline, but it's done a bit differently. Is it because she's a girl?....Maybe. But mostly because she is a different child altogether. We are learning what works...and what doesn't. We are taking it one moment at a time.

Yes, she is challenging, and she keeps me on my toes. But I honestly couldn't imagine it any other way!

God put her in our lives at THIS time for a reason. I probably wouldn't have been able to see the joy in raising her 10 or so years ago. Now I'm able let the little things go, and choose my battles. I didn't know how to do that before.

I've learned that some things can wait. She will only be little for a while (I learned that with CJ - I STILL can't believe he's about to be 13! - It went by far too fast!) and I need to take the time to enjoy her. The house my not be spotless, or, um, even clean some days! But what do I want her to remember - Mom always kept a spotless house, or Mom always took time to play with me? Definitely the latter. This is of course, why I'm often cleaning at 2 am, because she's asleep then! It doesn't bother me that toys are scattered, that I'm stepping on them, or cleaning them up 12 times a day. I know that all too soon, I'll miss seeing those toys lying around, so I'm not making a big deal right now.

She's teaching me lots of things - things that maybe I wasn't ready to learn earlier. I'm learning to see things through her eyes. And it's a lot of fun! And I thank God for all these learning opportunities.

When I was pregnant with her, Martina McBride introduced her new song, "In My Daughter's Eyes". I knew I was having a girl. I watched her on the Oprah show singing that song at a huge baby shower for soldiers who were pregnant, and soldier's wives who were pregnant. I cried my eyes out right along with all those women. It became "my song". On the way home from the hospital after Ruthi was born, we had the CD in, and that song came on. I stared at her and cried my eyes out again. It was the perfect song, saying exactly how I felt. It states that "she was sent to rescue me" and I so believe that. She gave me a whole new outlook on life. Especially since had been going through a dark time after losing a very dear friend to us. When we didn't understand why God would take him home so early and things were just so, well...dark. There's really not another way to put it. And when Ruthi came along, it gave us hope and happiness again. It helped restore our shaken faith in God.

God's timing is always perfect. All the times when I didn't understand why I wasn't getting pregnant, or when I'd lose yet another baby, I didn't understand. I thought all those times were the perfect time to have another child. But God knew what the perfect time was, and that's when he gave her to us. And I'm thankful He knew better than I did! I really believe He knew I couldn't handle having two children close together in age, and that I would appreciate them much more this way. And that I would be able to handle the more spirited one when I was a little older and had learned to relax about things. There are so many reasons now, that I understand why we had to wait so long for her.

Wow, I really only started this post to share the comical moment from this morning, and had no intentions of writing all this, but it just flowed out! I'll end with the words to Martina's song that means so much to me.

In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes